I always have a fag after breakfast. I continue to pull the tin towards me. “I want a fag,” I whine. I hate whining but it always happens when I don’t feel well. You glare at me. The kind that says ‘do it and your bottom will pay’. I do it. I want a fag. Opening the tin I pull out the papers and quickly roll before you can stop me again. I put the finished rolly between my lips and reach for the lighter. You don’t stop me. I know that I am disobeying you, you know that I know. I light the fag, inhale and wince as my throat screams in protest. I won’t put it out though, I’m too stubborn.It doesn’t take long for me to get to the last drag, I only roll thin. As I stub out the rolly I turn to you and without knowing why I blow the smoke in your face. You close your eyes and cough. I stand up quickly I know I’ve gone too far. You stand up just as quickly and take a firm hold on my elbow. I try to wriggle free as you firmly lead me out of the kitchen and towards the stairs. “Up!” You growl. I think I need to go to bed.”“Your dad knows you’re gay,” Hardy retorted almost challengingly, as I got up off the sofa.“What...? How?” I stammered, looking at him with contempt.“Apparently the gallery on your mobile phone is a dead giveaway,” he answered, with a smirk on his face.With the stunned look of a deer caught in the headlights, I answered, “I’m really tired. Goodnight, Hardy.”Over the previous few evenings, neither Hardy nor I had ever closed our bedroom doors when retiring to bed. This night, however, I suppose in an act of defiance, I did. As I lay on my bed my mind was in a spin. Had my dad been spying on me? Why the fuck had he checked out my phone? As I lay there in turmoil I wondered why my father had sent me to live with Hardy. Was I a fuckin’ surrogate offering to my father’s biannual lover?‘Jesus,’ I thought, ‘this is so fucked up.’Uncomfortably, I drifted off into a restless sleep.I am not sure how much time passed before I awoke with Hardy sitting next to me on.
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